tomato sauce

Happy Tuesday, folks. Did you miss me? I've certainly missed you.

The summer heatwave here in LA is finally starting to break; the locals have officially begun outfitting their dogs with small paw-gloves to ward off the cold and most have already retired their neon pink mesh crop tops for the season. Let's follow suit and slow things down a bit with something warm to put in our bellies.

I feel like these entries get less and less funny every single time I post one, so to combat the malaise we're going to make something I've made a million and one times before already. Today, we're going authentic with a recipe I actually grew up eating: my nonna and nonni's world-famous homemade tomato sauce, straight from their kitchen in the great beyond (both of them are dead). This one is fantastic as-is for pizza or pasta and also makes an excellent base for lots of other sauces, like vodka sauce or bolognese. We're not making any spag-bol today, though. This recipe is simple and cheap, just like yours truly.

You want to talk ingredients? Stick this in your pot and shove it:

one can of tomatoes

one quarter of a cup of diced onion

two tablespoons of olive oil

two cloves of garlic

two tablespoons of tomato paste

one tablespoon of salt

one tablespoon of pepper

one tablespoon of sugar

fresh basil, to taste

I'm literally salivating just reading this list of food. Woof, woof.

For starters, we're going to dump the can of tomatoes into ol' reliable. Mine were diced, I'm pretty sure canned tomatoes that come pre-annihilated are generally just called sauce. My point is that any type of canned tomatoes will work here, the exception being stewed tomatoes. I've never tried them, and I never intend to, mostly because they just sound gross.

Go ahead and chop up your onion. The basil, you're gonna want to cut into strips. You don't need to do anything fancy with the garlic; smashing it with the broad side of your knife will be more than sufficient for our purposes here today.

Shoot a squirt of olive juice off into a hot pan. Let's soften the onion morsels.

Do you see that brown shit sticking to the bottom of the pot? This is what French people call the "fond." When we add the tomato purée, the liquid is going to loosen and dislodge it from the bottom of the pan. It's kind of gross thinking about it floating around freely in the sauce, mostly because it reminds me of dishes that haven't been washed thoroughly enough.

Pour the tomatoes in; they're gonna hiss and spit, but do not be afraid. I'm right here with you.

In go the sugar, salt, pepper, and tomato paste. Real Italians have told me to my face that only retarded Americans put sugar in their sauce. Guilty as charged.

Turn down the heat and simmer for about five minutes. Right at the end, toss in the basil and garlic, and just like that, you've got a pot of sauce.

The possibilities here are endless; you can cook vegetables in it. You can dunk a slice of bread in it. Hell, you could even make a fucking lasagna if you wanted to. This is truly the most versatile of all the mother sauces; the choice is yours.

I like to store mine in mason jars, either in the fridge or the freezer. Just like in the old country.