cauliflower soup

Hi again, team. We're live again from upvegan HQ. Today, we're diving right into one of my favorite things to whip up since making the big vegan conversion: cauliflower soup with potatoes and kale. It's creamy, dreamy, and green. Everything the perfect soup should be.

I know. It sounds wild. We're gonna take this thing all the way to the bank.

Into the soup goes:

one whole head of cauliflower

several potatoes (the ones pictured above are red,

but yukon golds would also be great)

a block of extra-firm tofu

two cups of unsweetened, non-dairy milk

half 'a cup of olive oil

several cloves of garlic

3/4 cup of nutritional yeast

two tablespoons of onion powder

one tablespoon of granulated garlic

one tablespoon of paprika

two tablespoons of salt (plus an

additional few to salt the boiling water)

one teaspoon of black pepper

as much kale as you want, or can stand

First things first: let's peel these potatoes.

This step is pretty self-explanatory. One helpful tip I recently picked up is to pull the peeler away from your wrist, where I already have a permanent scar from repeatedly embedding the jagged blade of this implement into my flesh on many occasions.

Once they're all completely naked, you're going to cut them into nine chunks apiece. Please note the bowl of water on the side; submerging our tubers will prevent them from oxidizing while we prepare the rest of our ingredients. Let's slice the tofu into blocks small enough to fit into the blender-cup.

Back when I was still in the caveman phase of my vegan transformation, I was eating a lot of pan-roasted veggies and raw carrots, all the while craving the sweet, sweet sensation of ricotta melting against the roof of my mouth. These were the dark days. Tofu gives the illusion of that essential, unctuous body which usually comes with cow juice and cow juice derivatives, and it does so in a way that would be impossible with just the cauliflower and potato alone. It also has enough protein to prevent you from falling asleep at your desk during that late-afternoon 3 PM hump at the office.

Now, the cauliflower. This part has the potential to get a bit messy; I'll barely have the thing set down on the cutting board and there'll be little bits of it all over the counter and floor. If you're a total slob like me, I recommend a placemat, or, as I like to call them, a tablebib.

Once you have a nice bowl of florets, it's time to cut the kale.

Gorgeous. This is exactly how you want it to look.

Last comes the garlic. We aren't going to waste time cutting it up because all of this is going into the machine. Smash each clove with the flat side of your knife and separate the peels from the meat.

Now, so as not to completely destroy the motor of the blender, we're going to boil the veggies. Don't be intimidated by this part. We're going to go through it step by step.

Fill a large pot with water and salt generously. Turn the heat up to high and wait until you've achieved a rolling boil. Submerge the cauliflower, potatoes, and kale. Set your kitchen timer for nine minutes and top it with a lid.

Once everything's all soft and tasty, transfer it all to a colander and rinse thoroughly with cold water; this is to prevent the blender from exploding while masticating. Do not skip this step. You're going to void your warranty.

Reserve about a cup of cauliflower and potato in a bowl on this side after doing this. These will NOT be blended; instead, they will be added later for chunk-factor.

Now comes the fun part. We're gonna go ahead and do this in batches. Portion your ingredients thusly, sort of like you're making a little mini soup with every iteration; I like to add a little bit of everything to each one.

Nice. We're on our way. Whiz it up and transfer the slop to a big bowl after each round of blending.

The green really carries through. I used very little kale here. It kind of looks like mint ice cream, or vomit.

Next, get it all into your pot, which, if you're thinking ahead, should no longer be full of salty water. Set it over medium-low heat and start dumping in those spices. Let it simmer, stirring a moderate amount. Scrape the sides to prevent sticking.

When you feel emotionally ready, toss in your cup of potato and cauliflower. Give it a taste. Add more salt or nutritional yeast if you deem it necessary. Keep stirring until thick and creamy. Do not give up.

When all is said and done, it should look a little something like this. I topped it with another pinch of nooch for that extra bit of "wow-factor." Let's plate up.

There it is. What a journey it's been. There's something so satisfying about this part of the process.

Now, as many of you already know, I am a proud, card-carrying member of #TeamMealPrep. Pour a few portions off into some mason jars and you're set for the week. Nobody at work is going to know what the fuck is in there when they see it in the fridge on Monday, I guarantee it.

Well, that's my spiel for the day. Hope you try it. Hope you love it. Until next time, I'll see ya.