balsamic brussels sprouts

Guten morgen, fascists. We're comin' at you live with another Autumn-inspired recipe to get your blood pumping on this dreary Tuesday morning. Our subject of choice? Brussels sprouts, and not the kind your mom makes, either (probably).

These things are going right onto the stovetop today; as many veteran vegans probably already know, brussels sprouts roasted in the oven are the food of the gods. I was initially planning on doing something like that, but then I decided to challenge myself instead and take on the task of sautéing them with some balsamic vinegar. Yes, you read that right. We're gonna steam these little fuckers up.

This recipe is a direct ripoff of a dish I had at Grand Central Market here in downtown LA during lunch at work one fateful afternoon. I had initially set out looking solely for a glass of wine for less than ten dollars and was suckered into the additional purchase of the sprouts by a wily bartender named Tim. The original comes with sliced almonds and parmesan shavings on top, but cheese gives me the runs and I didn't have any almonds. So we're just gonna use pistachios instead.

They're fresh. They're tasty. They're in season. Let's get stuck in.

brussels sprouts

one quarter of a red onion

one quarter of a cup of crushed pistachios

one clove of garlic

two tablespoons of olive oil

one quarter of a cup of balsamic vinegar

salt

pepper

red pepper flakes

I told you this week was gonna be a banger. Let's all collectively grab our knives. It's time for some prep-work.

For the sprouts, you're gonna want to first trim away the little stemmy bits at the bottom, taking care to only remove what is absolutely necessary, just so they don't all fall apart when you cook them. After that, cut each in half lengthwise. Slice the onion into long, thin strips. Smash the garlic.

You can probably buy pistachios pre-crushed. I don't know, I've never done it that way. I just use my blender-cup. Get some oil hot and start browning the onions.

Once they're soft, throw in your garlic. Start adding the sprouts, one by one, face-down, ass up.

They're napping right now. Give them a minute or two to caramelize before you start roughing things up with your rubber spatula.

I like my veggies slightly al dente, but I understand that not everybody will agree with that preference. Use your judgement. Pour in the balsamic once they start developing some sexy little char-marks and toss vigorously, making sure everybody gets a taste.

When they're about thirty seconds from being done, sprinkle them with the nut dust and give them one last shake before taking them off the heat.

When all is said and done, they should look a little something like this. I think the ones at Grand Central had more onions in them, but aside from that, it's a dead ringer.

This is the type of dish I really appreciate. It's simple and healthy without feeling restricted and lacking. Next time you have company over, shove a couple of these onto their plate. Neither of you will regret it.