black bean burger

As I was drafting out the setlist for this Week's White Bread activities, I decided that I wanted a chance to share with you all at least one treasured family recipe served between two succulent buns.

The dish that immediately came to mind? My mom's infamous hamburgers. Only instead of ground beef, we're gonna use beans and carrots. And instead of tossing them onto the grill, we're gonna bake them in the oven. These are only a few of my slight modifications. We're going all-out with this one.

one cup of cooked black beans

one half of a cup of grated carrot

one quarter of a red onion

one quarter of a red pepper

four tablespoons of brown rice flour

two tablespoons of ground chia seed

two tablespoons of nutritional yeast

one tablespoon of olive oil

one clove of garlic

one teaspoon of paprika

one teaspoon of cumin

one teaspoon of cayenne

two teaspoons of black pepper

two teaspoons of salt

four tablespoons of chili sauce (heinz 57. only this will do.)

lettuce

tomato

onion

avocado

hummus

Forgive me, mother, for I have sinned.

First, start your chia egg with two tablespoons of water and preheat your oven to 350°. We're going to be cooking the pepper, onion, and garlic on the stovetop before adding them into the burger mixture; when they're soft and nice, scoop them into a little bowl and allow to cool slightly. The carrot will be going in raw for some added bite.

This recipe is a party, and everybody's invited. The assembly period is the best part of any blog entry for me; there's something so soothing about being surrounded by all of the ingredients at once. I imagine this is what having friends is like. A girl can dream.

Get those beans in first and give them a fair yet firm mashing. I like to keep a few whole, for added texture. They'll see what you did to the others and probably won't cause too much trouble.

Now is the point where you really get to let loose; throw everything else in, no rules, no regrets. It's gonna look like a god damn mess for the first few minutes but with a little elbow grease it should come together just fine.

Line a baking sheet with some parchment paper and grease it down. If you were hungry enough, you could probably just dump the entire batch onto your tray and make one giant bean burger, but I am a lady, so I will show some temperance by dividing the dough equally into nine demure portions.

Your oven should be hot by now, so get 'em in there. They'll need about twenty minutes or so before they start turning golden brown. Grab a book or something. Enrich yourself.

Sun-kissed. They're all so beautiful, and they honestly taste so much like the original thing. It's absolutely the chili sauce; all my life I ate these patties and just sort of associated the flavor of them with hamburgers in general without knowing what the taste was itself. I guess in my head it was always just The Burger Flavor.

With all of that being said, however, I think it's worth noting that these don't look or feel like real beef in any way, but I almost prefer it like that. Vegan food and products masquerading deceptively as real meat and dairy kind of gross me out; there's an intrinsic dishonesty there that I find so unappetizing. Phonies.

Well, here are the fixin's. I know the avocado isn't necessarily mandatory on the ultimate, quintessential, all-American burger, but it's White Bread Week, I had some leftover from yesterday, and I thought it really would give this thing that essential So-Cal flair that is so desirable in the vegan blogosphere. I live to please.

You also may notice one other slightly more avant-garde addition to this selection of toppings. Why the hummus? Like I said before, I don't do Daiya cheese. I don't do Follow Your Heart. I've never bought vegan mayonnaise before in my life and I never intend to. I don't trust it. Yet I figured this burger might need a bit of moisture, regardless, so I went rogue. Sue me.

I know this thing looks hilarious, but it was so fucking delicious that I was literally sobbing into it as I ate it. It was solid, sturdy, and filling as hell, especially considering the fact that it was vegan and only about three inches in diameter. Make them ahead of time and bring them along to the next backyard barbecue you get invited to. They will keep the party going all night long, I guarentee it.

This whole process took about forty minutes, including baking and frying the veggies, so I definitely recommend including these in your next weekly meal-prep session. Keep it thrifty, people. You know I'll be doing the same.