persimmon bowl

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Another smoothie bowl? This early in the game? I can practically hear it now: over the hill. Washed-up. Has-been. Amateur hour.

Ordinarily, I would definitely agree with you. Today's excursion, however, is not your typical So-Cal breakfast. We're throwing one unusual ingredient into the mix that you just don't see every day in this context - the utterly indescribable persimmon. Oh, my god. The things I feel for this fruit go beyond ordinary human emotions.

Persimmons are something I didn't know existed until about a month ago; I had literally never seen or heard of them once in my sixteen years on the east coast. My mom and I were on a walk the other day when we chanced upon a tree a few blocks away from home. It bore fruit, but what it had hanging low from its branches looked far from edible; they looked almost like fake fruits, produced for decoration and nothing more. My mom yanked one down and, being the pot-bellied pig you all know and treasure, I bravely took the first bite.

I am not one to mince words. So do not regard it lightly when I say I could not for the life of me articulate coherently what I was experiencing when that tender orange flesh first hit my virgin tongue. Holy shit. It was very sweet, that's one thing I could nail down right off the bat. What was so strange about the sweetness though was that it was embodied within a fruity membrane that was also very firm, almost like that of a young squash. So uncharacteristic of ripe fruit, especially something this overtly saccharine. Even now, I find myself struggling to match the sensation to written text; the flavor itself is almost akin to perfume, but without a hint of green. There was no tartness, no sourness, no bite outside of the snap I heard each time I sunk my vampire teeth into the hapless, unsuspecting victim. I was beside myself. It was like something out of a dream.

I was so shocked by all of this at the time that I had stopped walking in my tracks without even realizing it. This thing looked like wax upon first inspection, but on the inside? Pure gold. Needless to say, my mind was absolutely reeling at the possibilities.

four persimmons

banana coins

soymilk

a pinch of cinnamon

a touch of coconut oil

crushed peanuts

chia seeds

pomegranate seeds

Time to strap on those helmets, folks. Prepare yourselves for a truly proprietary pinkbelly exclusive.

First step: toasting the nuts. I chose not to fuck around with the oven on this particular day and instead put them on the stovetop. You don't want to add anything to these guys, no oil, no seasoning. Just keep them moving until they're a bit browner than they were before.

Collect the crumbs into a bowl. Set aside. Now is the time to do something we don't do very often around here: we're busting out the specialty equipment.

This is a spiralizer. It's probably one of the most ingenious things ever crafted by the hand of man. It turns ordinary vegetables into curly fries in mere seconds. Or rather, it used to. The sad fact of the matter is that I accidentally killed mine a few days ago. I don't want to talk about it. All I want you to know is that I'm sorry and I miss it very much. RIP.

Before its untimely demise by my own cruel hand, this thing was able to provide us with two persimmons' worth of curls; I used the smallest blade setting to maximize our surface area. Yes, you guessed correctly: we're gonna cook these things up in the same pan we just did the peanuts in.

I know it's unconventional to the point of pretentious eccentricity, but ever since that last smoothie bowl I have been so into the idea of cooked fruit on top of nice cream, which is essentially what we're producing here.

Add the oil and cinnamon to your pan. Once it's hot, add the persimmon. Sauté until they reach the consistency of slightly caramelized onions, and then immediately remove them from the heat - you definitely don't want to overdo this part.

Naturally, to make a smoothie bowl of any kind, you need something frozen to blend. We've already discussed the best way to achieve the perfect slice of frozen fruit, but for those just tuning in now, we can do a little re-cap: line a plate or tray with plastic wrap. Break down your produce. Freeze overnight. That's it. Those are the only three steps. You're done. It really is that simple.

Get everybody into the blender-cup - two persimmons and about a half of a banana. It's been a while since we've seen this thing, hasn't it? Add just enough soymilk to get everything going; the less liquid you add, the thicker your smoothie is going to turn out and the more structurally able it will be to accommodate the toppings.

One thing I'll say about this vegan journey; before embarking on it, I never decorated my food. Presentation was a non-factor - most of what I was concerned with was getting as much food into my body in the shortest amount of time possible. It was awful. I was awful. But we're here now, and we're not ever gonna look back.

Today's design is one of my all-time favorites, mostly because I invented it from my imagination one fateful night alone in my kitchen. This is the classic version, and the way I prefer to eat it. For final presentation though I felt the original design could use a pop of seasonal color.

There she is. The belle of the proverbial ball. I was worried a belt of rubies emblazoned across the whole thing would be a bit too much, but I think it works well here. Before, it was a lot of orange to take in at once.

Should I feel bad that these persimmons are technically stolen goods? Probably. Do I? Yes, more than you'll ever understand. But as long as I'm unemployed and drifting aimlessly through life as a useless reject, I'm probably going to continue eating the ones that hang over the fence of the house this tree belongs to. The most selfish part of me thinks I'm doing my neighbors a favor by relieving them of unwanted produce that would otherwise go to waste. The part of me I like knows the truth behind the act however and thinks I should probably go back to school to be a dentist or something and start contributing to the system instead of just consuming resources mindlessly.

Pray for me, compadres. I'm a lost, lost soul.