beet chips

If you've ever been to Trader Joe's, you're probably overly-aware of their own personal brand of snack marketing - they use a combination of specialty items and seasonal tactics that have this hypnotizing, intoxicating way of convincing a gal she needs something insane like cornbread crisps and not three but seven flavors of gluten-free Joe-Joe's. The store is difficult to shop in when you're both on a diet and a budget, much like this bitch is at all times.

One of my all-time favorite impulse buys from the place: these things called "Just Beets," which are chips that presumably are exactly what they sound like. Today we're going to make an attempt to emulate this award-winning formula using beets and maybe a couple of other things.

one beet, scrubbed

sea salt

garlic powder

First order of business: slicing down the beet. This thing needs to be paper thin in order to deliver the essential crunch-factor that the original provides. Make it so.

Once you've cut up the beet, toss the floppy pieces around in a bowl with the seasonings, patting them dry after doing so. Use a bit of non-stick spray on a wire baking rack and lay them out.

I know this looks over-crowded, but believe me when I say that they will shrink significantly during their time in the oven. Preheat it to 325° and let them dehydrate for approximately nine minutes. Keep checking on them until they are crispy to your preference.

They really turned out a lot like potato chips, which was a fairly pleasant surprise; when I try to make oil-free oven chips in general, I usually just end up with very thin roasted vegetables, which are delicious, but simply don't feel enough like shitty junk food to satisfy this particular craving.

Texturally, they turned out great, but in terms of taste these things were salty almost to the point of being inedible; perhaps that's why the real thing is so openly boastful about the fact that they contain only beets and nothing else. I'll probably end up doing that next time. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.