mac and cheese

So, here we are. With 2017 behind us and 2018 still an unmarked mystery, yet another opportunity to become the most ideal versions of ourselves presents itself. So far, I've fucked up every new year god has given me, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to give this one my darndest.

I landed back in California yesterday at approximately 9:33 AM after embarking on what had to be the most difficult gig I've ever been involved with. I laughed. I cried. I got fired every single day, but here I am, alive, on the other side of the tunnel. I have no idea what happened to me in transit, all I can tell you is that I feel profoundly different than I did before I left. I took a lot of photos of girls in their bloomers. It was awesome.

Realistically, I know that jobs like that don't come around very often, which is why after many weeks of all-consuming internal debate I've decided to pick up the reins here to prevent myself from going stir-crazy in the off-season, under a few conditions; I'm a broke little bitch with no real education or professional skillset, and never in my life have I been more aware of this fact than now, in the wake of this very unusually lucrative endeavor. The coconut milk powder I brought with me lasted until exactly the morning I left for home, and after replacing it when I got back, I decided that I'm going to challenge myself to not go grocery shopping once in January, with the exception of maybe stepping out for some caffeinated tea when I run out. The goal is to see how many things I can make with what I have left from the completely insane way I was living in the months before the trip; no more asinine theme weeks, no more buying special ingredients like a moron just to impress my four vegan friends. Another thing to consider: in my time away, I actually managed to lose a couple of pounds against all odds. 2018 is the year I tame the beast within the belly, and I'm sure as hell not going to let my online presence interfere with the progress I've already made. Therefore, we will be reducing the number of weekly entries here from five down to only one, which will be posted on Fridays. Because Friday is the only day of the week that fucking matters.

one cup of cubed pumpkin

one-quarter of a cup of gluten-free rotini

one-quarter of a cup of diced onion

one-quarter of a cup of red pepper

one-quarter of a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar

one-quarter of a cup of nutritional yeast

one-quarter of a tablespoon of onion powder

one-quarter of a tablespoon of garlic powder

one-quarter of a tablespoon of paprika

one-quarter of a tablespoon of black pepper

one teaspoon of sea salt

You may notice a slight aesthetic change with this first foray into 2018; over the course of the last month, I was lucky enough to acquire some additional gear, including two beautiful strobes, A Dynalite Baja 4 unit and a Paul C. Buff White Lightning 10,000.

I am not a studio photographer; this business of shooting with artificial light is still totally new to me. The Baja 4 will be the one joining us today. Judge and be judged.

Here's what I have left of the pile of food I decided to drag around behind me on a string for the entire month of December; as the greenest member of our traveling crew, some of my superiors definitely found my set-up to be less than orthodox. I literally didn't get a single chance to try whipping out the rotini. It shan't go to waste.

In addition to the ingredients I brought with me, there were many Walmart shopping trips we took as a team, these three sweet potatoes and bag of lentils being the last surviving pieces of evidence. I also accumulated a pretty significant collection of grifted condiments, plastic silverware, and oatmeal packets (I have no idea why I stole the oatmeal packets) from various coffee shops, cafeterias, and the occasional blessed hotel continental breakfast. Sure, it's tacky. But on the road, you do what you have to do.

Normally, the sweet potatoes would be calling my name in the context of a cheesy, non-dairy pasta dish, but we're not going to use those right now. Instead, I've got some pumpkin left over in the freezer from when my mom carved one this Halloween, and my gut is telling me it's high time to use it.

Dump some good ol' ACV into your disgusting non-stick pan and start searing off the flesh of the gourd. After they start to heat up, toss in all of the spices except for the nutritional yeast. In another pot, cook the pasta and set it aside. Dispose of all but one tablespoon of the pasta water. Take the pumpkin off of the flame when it begins to develop some color.

Put the pasta water back on, this time with the onions, pepper, and a pinch of salt. Cook them slowly over a medium-low flame, really making sure to caramelize them thoroughly.

Whiz up the pumpkin, half of your allotted yeast, and more black pepper. Blend until completely smooth. Add water as necessary

Pour it right over the onion and pepper; scrape the fond off of the bottom with your spatula. Add the pasta and remaining nutritional yeast. Reduce until creamy and sensual.

This one actually turned out fucking incredible; I don't think I've felt this satisfied by a dish since day one, when we made a delicious tofu scramble together for the very first time. In a way, we're going back to our pinkbelly roots and making the dishes my stomach is actually asking for.

I don't know, I kind of hate the way these photos look today. They're ugly, bland, uninteresting, and lack refinement; the more mature side of me, however, thinks I just need to invest in a softbox or something. The big accomplishment here was getting out of my little retarded shell and doing something new and spontaneous for a change.

Happy new year, folks. I can't lie, I'm exhausted and not feeling particularly funny this morning. Perhaps this is what it feels like to grow as a working adult, to do away with the unnecessary indulgences of youth, to use one's time more wisely, to wake up and want nothing more than to piss and suck down a cup of hot tea. I'll talk to you guys soon; it's time to carpe the ever-loving shit out of this brand new diem.